This first line from a song in the Pirates of Penzance was running through my head as I was (trying to) patiently wait for my insurance to be approved.
I am still looking at this process as one I will face with God's strength and peace. It can sometimes sound like I don't see how hard or bad this could be. But I do.
My body has become a battleground. It has been infiltrated by a sneaky enemy that I was not even aware of. He (cancer is too ugly to be a she) has been quietly setting up a foothold in my breast. (That brings up a weird mental picture?!) The battle is not in full swing yet. I am waiting for some of my troops (the insurance) to sign up and for my generals (the doctors) to line up for action.
Contrary to popular terminology, I do not see myself as a warrior in this fight. I am the battleground. Weapons (surgery, radiation, therapies...) will be launched upon me. The enemy will use biological warfare to try to gain more ground. The battlefield will be torn up and scarred. Once the battle is over, there may be more skirmishes, more battles. Cancer is an enemy you can't turn your back on. It is relentless and constantly seeks ways to infiltrate the battleground again.
In time, the battleground will heal. Scars and pits from the warfare will fade. Beauty will flourish in its fields and on its hills. Life will come forth and bloom.
I am moving forward in the trust that I will come through this. But even if my generals lose their battles...cancer will not have won. My final day is not in cancer's control. God has my time in His hands and nothing will take me from this life outside of His timing.
So yes, my situation is awful. But I have an awesome God that is greater than my situation, my fears, my doubts, my sorrow. He is greater than cancer. He is my strength, my peace, my courage, my joy.
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