Oh So Busy

We had originally planned to take a long weekend off. Steve is a pastor and works weekends, so we never have one to ourselves. We planned to go to a Tony Bennett concert that I had won free tickets to. That performance was cancelled and the phone call from my doctor about the mass in my gut kind of squelched things a bit. I spent the evening calling my family and letting them know what was going on instead.

We had planned to go to Universal Studios on Saturday...we went to the Getty Center instead. It was hot outside and freezing inside, especially in the painting exhibits. The central garden was in full bloom and was beautiful. That evening my daughter and her kids came over and we spent some time with them.

Sunday, we decided to visit a church in Oak View. My daughter opted to stay in Ventura where it was cooler. A few miles into the drive, we got a call...her car was at the mall (she had to pick up a present for a birthday party that afternoon) and the key would not turn. We couldn't leave her and the three kids stranded, so we turned around. She had a blister from trying the key so often. Steve and I both tried too. I was giving up and taking the key out of the ignition when it started up. Another change of plans; we all went to church in Ventura. After church, the car failed to start again. Call AAA to the rescue...quick run next door to Chipotle...picnic on the church lawn...wait for the locksmith...car fixed...home to take a nap...kids off to the party. Still feeling the need for some "us" time. We took ourselves to a seaside park, set up chairs, pulled out the books, and enjoyed the ocean breeze.

It was harder to get my focus at work Monday than I thought it would be. I had several calls to the doctor to make to arrange for a referral to a gynecologist to consult about the mass. Then I got a phone call from my son, "Mom, are you at work? Do you want to be? Want to come see your new granddaughter?" His wife had just delivered at 4:40 that morning. A healthy baby girl, Keira Rose at 6lb 8oz and 18in long. Now I was rushing to finish up as much work as possible so I could take a half day off and drive to Long Beach. I am blessed to work in a place that is also a ministry. My department holds a prayer meeting every Monday morning. I shared my happy news and my medical trials with them and it felt so good to be surrounded by my work family as they prayed for me.

On the way to the hospital, I got a call from my doctor to clarify my test results and start to get a referral for the next doctor I had to see. We made it to Long Beach and spent two hours visiting our 5th grandchild. The most perfect, lovely little girl ever. With a stop for dinner, it took four hours to get home. I was exhausted, but at least I got to focus on Keira and not myself for a few hours. It's amazing how much your heart can expand to hold another person. I am so blessed with my family.

I think I was running on pure adrenaline Tuesday. There was so much work to do and I now had two more doctor's appointments to go to. I had the wrap taken off my thumb; one stitch to remove next week. I got a same day appointment to the gynecologist. (The doctor's opinion of cancer or no cancer stands at two for no and one for yes, I like the way the vote is heading) Then I had to go for more blood work.

Today was the colonoscopy. I don't understand why medical science can't create a better tasting prep solution. I spent last night and this morning gagging the stuff down thinking, "there has to be a better way." Today's procedure brings me to 14 medical visits this month. Next Tuesday's visit with the surgeon will determine the next course of action. Whether they decide I need surgery for the diverticulitis or not, I will still have to be opened up to remove and biopsy the mass.

The sermon on Sunday had a couple of points that resonated with me. First, the pastor said we all made a series of decisions that had brought us there that morning. I felt all the decisions had been made for me and I was being carried along in a direction not of my own choosing. But, because God is the one who is in control, that is not a bad thing. The other thing that struck me was an illustration about the uncertainty of death. As a believer, the only thing I need to know is; whatever door God leads me through, whether trials, health, or death; He is waiting for me on the other side of that door to help me through it and care for me.

"Could be worse...could be raining."

Sometimes it feels like my life is that scene from Young Frankenstein. You're just getting through a mess and looking on the bright side, then it starts raining. All you can do at that point is laugh.

My doctor called with the results of my ultra-sound. I have a complex cystic mass of over 10 centimeters; that's about 4 inches. It appears to be attached to my right ovary. He said it is made up of several masses and he is "concerned" about it. I will call my GP Monday morning and set up an appointment with an OB GYN or Gynecologic Oncologist. I'll still have the colonoscopy next Wednesday and a consult with the surgeon the following Tuesday. They're hoping to have the surgery to remove the mass and do the fix for the diverticulitis at the same time. No sense cutting me open twice if they are going to be in the same area. I'll just have a few more specialists in the operating room.

The mass has not given me any symptoms. If it had not been for the diverticulitis and the CT scan in the emergency room, I'd not have known the mass was even there. It could still turn out to be benign, but I'm prepared for whatever may come. I can't help feeling God allowed the diverticulitis so this mass could be found. I don't ask why the mass. I'm just as susceptible to problems as the next person. Bad things happen to good people, and average people like me. I can't control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond. To borrow again from the movie, I choose to respond "with quiet dignity and grace." More so than Frederick I hope.  (Don't get it? Watch the movie, the laughs will do you good)

Sticking Out Like a Sore Thumb

If it is appropriate to call any surgical experience pleasant, I guess that is what you could call yesterday's surgery. The staff at the Surgi-Center were very nice and took great care of me. I went into pre-op at 7am and by 7:25 I was on my way to surgery #3. I had received some sedative just before they started wheeling me down the hallway. I was starting to wonder if it really was the sedative. I felt very alert and not at all like I was drugged. In the surgery, I wondered if I would have to slide myself onto the table. I was about to ask the technician walking toward the foot of the gurney...then I woke up in recovery. Everything went smoothly and I was home before 9am. Twelve hours after surgery, I still could not feel my thumb. I managed to sleep well, with a pillow wrapped around my arm to keep my hand elevated. 

Things went well at work today. Typing was limited, not from pain, but from the need to keep my hand elevated to avoid pain. This worked until early afternoon when the last trace of any pain reliever left the tip of my thumb. It was like someone unleashed the little monster that kept stabbing my thumb with pins. Most distressing was the realization that, even though I'm right-handed, I use my cell phone left-handed. I seem to dial everything backwards if I use my right hand. Now I feel incapacitated. Tomorrow morning's challenge will be washing my hair without getting my thumb wet or bumped. I'm more concerned about bumping.



No word yet on my ultra-sound results. I know the doctor has them; he just hasn't had time to read through them yet. So, tomorrow we find out about the alien in my belly. Oh, and I forgot about my thumb follow-up next Tuesday, so I'm up to an even dozen medical visits this month.

On a side note - Tuesday, my co-worker in the next cubicle called out to me, "Kathy, did you leave your beer bottle outside my window?" I was very puzzled by her question so I came around the corner to see what she meant. Looking out her window, I saw an empty bottle on the ground. I started laughing, "Oh, that's what you said. I heard, 'Did you lean your bare bottom outside my window?'" 

No News is NOT Good News...Its Just Irritating

I had my ultrasound today to see where the diverticula are and to find out what was lurking in the space formerly occupied by my uterus. I drink water all day long every day, so drinking 32oz. two hours before the test was a breeze. HOWEVER, I usually have it go out as fast as it goes in. I arrived for my test 15 minutes early. I was very happy to see only one person in the waiting room. That meant I would probably get looked at and on to the potty quickly. HOWEVER, I was informed I was in the wrong office and had to go around the corner. So I move on. Next office has a very full waiting room. But they do lots of kinds of tests so odds were I'd still get in on time. HOWEVER, my doctor had not sent my order over and they could not do my test without it. Thirty minutes later I felt like water would soon be coming out my ears. The receptionist told me, "You can go release a little bit, just go for a quick 10 count and stop." It is almost impossible to stop once those flood gates open, but I did. I went from feeling like I would explode to just extremely uncomfortable.

One hour after I arrived, I finally got called back for my test. The screen was placed exactly outside of my field of vision. I could tell what direction the technician was going to scan next by the way she twisted her lips. Giggling while someone is pressing a probe on your very full bladder is not a good idea. She would neither confirm nor deny the existence of a mysterious occupant of my former uterus site. But she did take an awful lot of frames. Now I get to wait 2-3 days for my doctor to get the results and call me. Another lesson in patience.

I did get a call to schedule the colonoscopy for next Wednesday. And I have a presurgical consult the Tuesday after. I am now up to 11 medical appointments this month. There were five in July and August combined. Hopefully I can keep my October number down to a reasonable level.

Tonight I will take a long shower and go to bed early so I can be at the surgical center at 6:30am. It is tough enough for me to wake up in time to get to work by 8am. I'll have to set the volume on my alarm really loud to be sure I get out of bed. Better shut the bedroom window tonight so I don't wake the neighbors.

As is the way of all things you are about to see the doctor for, the abscess on my thumb that has been so much trouble over the past year is the smallest and least painful it has ever been. I will not be thrilled if I go through this surgery and the doctor tells me the thing healed itself in the few days before. I doubt they will say, " No abscess, no payment needed."

The Ambulance Revelation

At the beginning of this year, I woke up with chest pains, dizziness, and a vague "something's wrong" feeling. I took some baby aspirin and my husband took me to the doctor's office and she saw me right away.  It's amazing how easy it is to see a doctor that is normally booked months in advance when you mention chest pains. She checked me out and did an EKG. A few minutes later she came back into the room gave me some nitro glycerin and said, "I've called you an ambulance to take you to the ER. There was an abnormality on your EKG." I immediately protested that I didn't really feel that bad. But, into the ambulance I went with my husband following behind.

The EMT asked if I still felt pressure in my chest. "Yes, but I think it's just from nerves." More nitro and he started to insert an IV. Suddenly, my entire body was in pain. I could not see and I felt myself slipping away. I began to think these people were right and I was dying from a heart attack. I prayed, " Oh God, help Steve. He is going to be so hurt by this. Take care of him and my parents and kids. And please don't let it hurt too much as I die."

I didn't die, in case you were wondering. I started feeling better in a few minutes and felt pretty good by the time we reached the ER. They ran all the tests and could find nothing wrong with my heart. It turned out the pain and other symptoms were due to another medical condition I had been diagnosed with about 18 months earlier. More about that one next time.

I learned something about myself in that ambulance. Like many Christians, I had occasional doubts about my own faith. I wondered sometimes if I really believed or if I just sort of believed. When I tried to think about eternity, I would feel panicky. I just could not wrap my finite mind around the infinite plan of God. As I felt myself slipping away, I had no fear of death, no doubt about my place in eternity. I was completely at peace about what I thought was my imminent death. I was just worried about the pain this would cause my husband and family. I learned that, when it really mattered, my faith was sure. It is just my feeble humanity that casts doubt on my confidence in God. He was just polishing me a bit so I could shine brighter for Him.

Beginning in the middle

I am little over halfway through the most medically populated month of my life. By that I mean variety and frequency of medical appointments. So far it is one dental visit (I have fantastic teeth and gums, according to the dental hygienist), one visit to the GP, two to the gastroenterologist, one EKG, two mammograms (not one on each side, two visits), one blood test, and two visits to the orthopedic surgeon. Next week is an ultrasound and thumb surgery. I am medically exhausted.

Why all the visits?
The GP visit and mammogram #1 were routine annual checks. Mammogram #2 was because they found micro-calcifications in both breasts. Follow-up in six months to see if they grow. At least there is an 80% chance they are not cancer.

Ortho, EKG, blood test and pending surgery are to remove a teeny abscess in my left thumb. Amazing how something the size of a pin head can cause so much trouble.

Everything else...two months ago I went to the ER with violent lower ab pain, nausea, and a migraine. Diagnosis-acute diverticulitis. They did a CT scan and sent me home with pain meds and antibiotics with instructions to stay home from work for a week and go on a liquid diet. That led to the follow-ups with the gastro. During the last follow-up he mentioned the CT scan showed a slightly enlarged uterus. Which is really odd because I had a hysterectomy 11 years ago. Hence, the ultrasound next week. Plus, I will need a consult with the surgeon and colonoscopy, since my pain has not cleared up and the diagnosis is now chronic diverticulitis. Surgery is recommended to remove the damaged part of my colon. Recurring infections are dangerous for all the usual reasons, plus I have a titanium hip from an accident several years ago and any infection that spreads to the bloodstream can lodge there and require two more surgeries to clean up.

I decided to chronicle my journey with all the medical, emotional, personal, and spiritual facets exposed. This is not the first set of challenges I have faced (more about them later) and they probably won't be the last. I needed an outlet. Maybe no one will read this, maybe someone will. Maybe someone will be encouraged by my journey. I hope so. I hurt, I get tired, but I know God has His hand on my life and He won't cast this flawed gem into the fire, except to refine me further.