At the beginning of this year, I woke up with chest pains, dizziness, and a vague "something's wrong" feeling. I took some baby aspirin and my husband took me to the doctor's office and she saw me right away. It's amazing how easy it is to see a doctor that is normally booked months in advance when you mention chest pains. She checked me out and did an EKG. A few minutes later she came back into the room gave me some nitro glycerin and said, "I've called you an ambulance to take you to the ER. There was an abnormality on your EKG." I immediately protested that I didn't really feel that bad. But, into the ambulance I went with my husband following behind.
The EMT asked if I still felt pressure in my chest. "Yes, but I think it's just from nerves." More nitro and he started to insert an IV. Suddenly, my entire body was in pain. I could not see and I felt myself slipping away. I began to think these people were right and I was dying from a heart attack. I prayed, " Oh God, help Steve. He is going to be so hurt by this. Take care of him and my parents and kids. And please don't let it hurt too much as I die."
I learned something about myself in that ambulance. Like many Christians, I had occasional doubts about my own faith. I wondered sometimes if I really believed or if I just sort of believed. When I tried to think about eternity, I would feel panicky. I just could not wrap my finite mind around the infinite plan of God. As I felt myself slipping away, I had no fear of death, no doubt about my place in eternity. I was completely at peace about what I thought was my imminent death. I was just worried about the pain this would cause my husband and family. I learned that, when it really mattered, my faith was sure. It is just my feeble humanity that casts doubt on my confidence in God. He was just polishing me a bit so I could shine brighter for Him.
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