The Night Before the Morning Of...

Tomorrow at 7:30am I'll be going into surgery. For the last few days, I have been exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

It started Monday, which was a bit depressing. My pre-surgical consult with surgeon #2 consisted of all the concerns he had about complications. We also decided to go ahead and remove both ovaries, since one had the mass and the other had a history of cysts. I'm hoping I already went through a symptom free menopause. Not really keen about the idea of hot flashes while trying to recover. I also found out laparoscopic surgery was not an option, due to the size of the mass. Not really a surprise, but I had hoped to avoid being split open. So now my recovery time is estimated to be six to eight weeks instead of four to six. And, I may have to stay in the hospital as long as eight days. Can we all say BORING?! I'm not a daytime TV fan and I'm not good at doing nothing.

Today I felt pretty good. Not really tired and less nervous about tomorrow than earlier in the week. I think the fact that I went to the Chiropractor Tuesday and had a one-hour full body massage today followed by a long hot shower may have something to do with it. I figured, if I was going to be laid up for a while, I might as well get feeling as loose and relaxed as possible beforehand. So I am all popped, rubbed, and scrubbed; ready for a good night's sleep so I can wake up early so someone else can put me back to sleep.

Of course, I am not looking forward to surgery, who would? I am not looking forward to the pain of recovery, of course not. I don't want surgical complications or a lab report telling me the mass is cancerous. I am fully aware of the seriousness of what I am about to go through and the possible negative outcomes. I choose to hope and pray everything will turn out fine. But I truly believe I am ready to accept a less than perfect outcome. I trust God will take care of me, whatever way He chooses to do so. Because God is in control, I don't have anything to worry about. I am in His hands, and that is a very good place to be.