3, 2, 1 Cancer Eviction Time!

Just three more days until my single mastectomy. It just doesn't seem possible that it is so close. It feels like forever since the first hint of something not right in my left breast this past August. Even the diagnosis in November seems so long ago. But here it is, just around the corner.

I have mixed feelings about the surgery. Relief that something is finally happening. Sadness at the loss of part of my body and the scarring to come. Hope that the cancer will not be in my lymph nodes and that the reconstruction will look okay. Concern about the pain of recovery and the effects of the hormone therapy that will come later. 

But mostly I feel gratitude. Gratitude that God has provided in so many ways over the past six months. Gratitude that the times of "Oh God, I'm scared, please don't let this happen!" are few and short-lived. Gratitude for a loving husband who sees beauty in me in so many more ways than my body. Gratitude for all the love and support I have received from family, church, friends, strangers.

Two groups of strangers in particular have given me so much encouragement. Members of Christian Healthcare Ministries and the owners and customers of EmbraceYourStyleNails.com. I have received about 30 cards and emails from the members of CHM telling me of their prayer support, even though I dropped their coverage last year when my other insurance came through. And, when one of the owners of EYSN posted my cancer diagnosis, more than 55 customers responded with messages of support. What a blessing!

No, I don't want cancer. I don't want surgery. I was okay with my 63 year old breasts that were no longer perky, so I don't want them changed. I don't want someone messing with my hormones. I don't want to be hyper aware of every new thing my body does from now on and have to check to see if there is a new cancer. I don't want to see the worry in my loved ones faces when they think about what is in store for me. 

But it is all happening. And, strangely, I am still at peace with it. I truly feel the "peace of God, which surpasses all understanding" that God promises to those who trust Him. He is faithfully guarding my heart and mind.