Yes, I'm going to discuss a body function. I'm just weird that way. So, fair warning and here I go.
During my hospital stay, I frequently had nurses come and ask me questions. "How are you feeling?" "Is there anything I can do for you?" But the most frequent question was, "Have you passed gas?" Usually, when I am asked this kind of question, I feel just a little offended, and I'm embarrassed if my answer is yes.
The nurses had to ask this to find out if my intestines were functioning properly yet. At first, I answered, "No, not yet." without any emotion one way or another about it. After a while, with repeated questions yielding the same answer, I began to feel a little apologetic and like I was a disappointment to my nurses. My answer changed to, "No, I'm sorry, I haven't." Then I began to feel really inadequate. Why couldn't I pass gas for these nice ladies? I felt I needed to be more encouraging in my answers to let them know I was doing all I could. "No, I'm sorry, I haven't. But I'm sure I will soon, I can feel bubbles moving around in me." Then I began to fudge a little, " I think I may have passed a little, but I can't be sure, the morphine has me kind of groggy."
By Monday morning, I was a little desperate. If I didn't "toot" they might not let me go home. I paced the floor, rubbed my tummy, sat on the toilet, gave little pushes...no gas. I was never so ashamed to not be able to answer the question in the positive. Finally, I felt some pressure "down there." I shifted around, gave a little wiggle and ... out popped a little bubble. I could now proudly tell the nurse, "Yes! I passed gas." She made the appropriate note on my chart and I was released to go home.
Later that night, while relaxing at home on the couch. The portals opened and the gas giant erupted. I let out the biggest gas cloud of my life... my nurses would have been so proud.
Kathy, you crack me up! I hope for Steve's sake that he wasn't home at the time!
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