One Year! Only? Already?

One year ago, on November 10, 2022, I got a phone call as I was bringing my mom home from a stay in the hospital. We were just pulling up to a restaurant for some lunch, when my cell phone rang. The lady on the phone said, "You have invasive ductal carcinoma." I glanced at my mom and said, "Okay, what are the next steps?" as I pulled a notepad and pen out of my purse to write down everything that she told me. 

That day seems like forever ago, and only just yesterday. Being diagnosed with cancer brought me things and changed my life in so many unexpected ways. Some are good and some are not so good. 

Here are just a few.

• I have grown in my faith and trust in God.
• I now have full medical coverage because of breast cancer.
• My body and its reactions to things are different than it was before. I'm still learning the new me.
• I have new friendships and some deeper relationships.
• There is the question, "Will it come back?" that hovers in the back of my mind.
• I have discovered new joy in many little things.
• Having bad days or weeks is okay, not fun, but okay.
• My relationship with my husband had grown deeper and stronger.
• Gratitude is a huge part of my everyday life.
• I have a deeper desire to be an encourager and do things for others.
• Physical energy is a very precious thing not to be taken for granted.

There is so much more, but these are foremost on my mind right now. Cancer has taken things away, changed things, and even given me some good things. The journey has been frightening, annoying, painful, challenging, as well as encouraging, joyful, and peaceful. Active treatment such as major surgeries and new meds are over. Now it is several years of daily medication and twice-yearly infusions. Maybe another surgery to fine-tune the reconstruction. But the high drama is over for now. God continues to shower me with his grace and remind me of his love. 

 2 Corinthians 12:9–10

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 

A Legacy of Caring

Six years ago my dad started chemotherapy for myelodysplastic syndrome (bone marrow cancer). I now see the oncologist that consulted on his case for my breast cancer treatment. He remembered my dad from that one consultation! This is comforting as it speaks to the genuine care this doctor has, even for his consult patients, and the good impression my dad made back then.

Sometimes we can feel alone or forgotten by the whole world. Birthdays, anniversaries, or other special occasions pass and we don't get a card or call from people we love. We make excuses for them, "They are so busy with their family...job...new house...etc."

How often do we think of someone and do nothing about it? How many times do we wonder what ever happened to ... and never give them a call? How many holidays or special days pass when we don't reach out to our friends and family? How often do we look at someone and wonder, "Where do I know them from?" or "What is their name?" just to shrug it off and go on our way.

What an encouragement it is when someone remembers you. Just a simple, "How are you doing?" can mean so much when you are feeling a bit low. A quick, "I was thinking about you today," can feel so uplifting. And remembering details about someone's family can be just about miraculous to that person!

I hope I can be better at showing people around me I care enough to remember them; in whatever way that may be. How wonderful to be able to leave a legacy of caring wherever you go.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4

Fine/Really Good/Great!

When people ask how I am doing, I usually reply, "I'm doing fine/really good/great!" And that is mostly true. 

I did not have to do radiation. I did not have to do chemotherapy. I only had one breast removed. I only had one lymph node removed. I kept my hair. I have not had to pay anything for my treatment.

My breast cancer surgeon says she got all the cancer and there is no sign of it in my lymph nodes. My oncologist says I am doing well on my meds and have a great attitude. My plastic surgeon says everything looks perfect and I am healing really well.

I have received tons of support from family, friends, strangers, and cancer organizations. I have been able to support others facing breast cancer. My husband looks at my scars and still calls me "beautiful."

But there are moments, there are days, when I am not, "doing fine/really good/ great!" And I struggle with feeling guilty for not feeling, "fine/really good/ great!" because everything is so much better than I originally expected. So much better than other women I know or have communicated with that are going through breast cancer. I have even joked that I have, "breast cancer lite."

Yet those moments, those days, come unexpectedly and hit me hard. I look at my breasts and mourn the loss of symmetry, the addition of scars, the one that isn't a "real" breast anymore. I am frustrated that I have osteopenia and the medication I am taking can make it worse. I can't do some of the exercises I have enjoyed and can't move in certain ways that I used to. I am concerned that the infusions I take to help build bones can also cause other problems. I feel the "minor" side effects of my medication stacking up on each other until they feel like a "major" side effect. But to complain about each one individually, feels like whining because they are "minor."

Sometimes I am dizzy, queasy, no appetite, raging appetite, too tired to keep my eyes open, weak, have aching in my back, or aching in my bones, get popped blood vessels in my left eye (yup, just the left one), find too much hair on my comb and brush, seeing the numbers on the scale go up, feeling negative or apathetic. All "minor" side effects of my medication.

Then there is the ever present, but not at the top level of my thinking, possibility that cancer will come back in spite of everything being, "fine/really good/ great!" 

Yes, there are those times. And, most of the time, I really am doing, "fine/really good/ great!" But that does not mean I don't struggle with the reality of my breast cancer. It does not mean there are not times I just want to hide in a corner and ignore the rest of the world. It does not mean everything is perfect. 

What it does mean is that I am still grateful for my life and all God has placed in it. I am still grateful for things that seem ugly or wrong at the time that God uses to make beautiful and good things for me. I still trust when I don't understand why things happen the way they do or if/when I will understand. It means I have confidence in the God who loves me and gives me the strength to be content in whatever circumstances I am in. 

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:11-13

Working on the Bone Health

It's been a busy couple of weeks. 

The first week of June, we took a cruise to Alaska with my mom. It was an amazing trip with no negative side effects from my medication and lots of amazing scenery.

Last Friday I had my follow-up with my plastic surgeon. He was very encouraged by my healing progress. He even said I was "ahead of the curve." He said everything looks perfect. But I think we have different definitions of that word. I will go back to see him in September to re-evaluate the reconstruction and see if I want any fine tuning.

This morning I went to see the oncologist. All good reports there too. No side effects at this time. Since they can be cumulative, I will go back in three months to see how I am doing. I also had my first Zometa infusion. The nurses were great and so gentle and caring. I tolerated the new medication well. I am having some light bone pain starting that may be it getting to work on my bones. Next infusion is six months from now.

Other than dealing with the return of mega-allergies, I am doing very well. If my voice clears up in the next week, I will be rejoining the music team at church, singing at a senior living center, and taking on some new ministry tasks.

It was sad at first seeing so many people at the oncology treatment center getting chemotherapy and other infusions. Most were older, but there was one young woman in her 20's. However, most of the people there were cheerful and doing so well with their treatments that it actually made it encouraging. 

I continue to feel so blessed and grateful for all God has provided in this time of challenge. He is so much bigger than cancer or the nasty drugs I need to take to fight it. As things are going so well, I may have fewer entries here. Perhaps I will take a different direction going forward. We shall see. God bless you and thank you for your prayers.  

Good Stuff

After my initial couple days of pain following my surgery, I "forgot" to take pain pills by Thursday because I was no longer hurting. Of course, there was pain if I bumped any surgical areas, but there was no more "all the time" pain.

Also, my mind has been so much clearer and my fatigue levels so much better than after my last surgery. Perhaps that has something to do with the fact I was off my Letrozole for three weeks, but it sure felt good to feel good. 

I had my one-week post-op appointment with my surgeon on Monday. He thinks everything is looking great and I don't have to follow-up with him for another six weeks. I did start back on the Letrozole on Monday, so we shall see if any side effects come back. I'm hoping my body will just say, "Oh, I've seen this stuff before. No big deal."

I keep marveling at God's goodness toward me. Especially in this cancer situation. I had an unrelated issue which led to my diagnosis. I was diagnosed early. I have had insurance provided to me at no cost with no copays. I have a Christian breast surgeon. I am so grateful to not need chemotherapy or radiation. I have had only minor side effects from the medication so far. I have moved from surgery to reconstruction in just 10 weeks. I have received so much love and support from family, friends, and even strangers.

There are a few things still to come. I will need a second reconstruction surgery a few months from now to "even things up." There will be 5-10 years of taking Letrozole and watching for negative side effects like bone loss or kidney issues. There is one more medication to start next month with more potential side effects. Then there will be the ever-present need to watch for the cancer returning or metastasizing. But I am filled with peace and confidence in God for my future.

The Day After...Ouch

Well, it has been a little over 24 hours since I was released from the surgery center. According to this pain scale, I seem to be hanging out around a 5 with jumps to 7 or 8 as nerves wake up. 

My throat is a bit sore from the breathing tube. My abdomen hurts in two places where they took some (not nearly enough) fat to use to fill in around my implant. And, of course, both breasts hurt. They are what jumps to the 8 when nerves wake up and catch me off guard. Fortunately, it is just a quick stab that goes away. However, I was expecting more pain, so hanging out at 5 most of the time is not too bad.

I am much more alert and have no nausea, unlike after my mastectomy surgery. The drive home from Flagstaff was not uncomfortable, thanks a lot to the mastectomy pillow my mom made me. I was even able to have a grilled chicken sandwich on the way home. Boy that tasted good. Of course, after we got home I saw the discharge instructions said to do a liquid diet for the first day. But since they fed me fruit snacks and rice cakes in recovery, I guess that did not really matter. 

I continue to be amazed by God's grace in all of this. My peace is intact, my faith is strong, and my gratitude is ongoing. God is good!

Under (re)construction

Tomorrow morning I will have my exchange surgery and reconstruction of my "bosoms." I am looking forward to removing the hard backed, lumpy expander for a smooth implant. Then the doctor will try to match up both sides to be at least similar in size and shape. 

He will also take some fat from my upper abdomen to use as filler for any uneven areas. I told him he could take extra for any unfortunate skinny patients that might need it later. We'll see about that. 

I am still at peace. I told some friends this morning that if I was any more peaceful, I would be unconscious. I know that some of this will be more painful in recovery, but I am ready. After this, it will be one more new medication in June and just maintenance (possibly fine tuning) from here on. 

I hope to give another update next week as I start recovery. Thank you for your prayers.

Looks Like I Will Be Plugging In

Today I had my one-month follow-up with my oncologist. He feels I am doing well with just a few minor side effects of my new medication so far. Of course, being me, I have one of the rarest side effects. One he has only seen once before in his practice. I have had two instances of minor hematomas in my left eye in the past couple of weeks. 

I just can't do "normal" like other people. I have to go that extra step to be different. It was always a joke in my family whenever I was sick. We would tell the doctor, "Just start with the least likely cause for her symptoms and work backwards. It will be faster that way. She doesn't do normal."

Due to the count on my bone density test, the doctor recommends I receive infusions of Zoledronic Acid (Zometa) every six months. He says I may feel lousy for a couple days after each treatment, but each treatment should get easier. Apparently, this will not only build up my bones, but will also reduce the chance of the cancer metastasizing to the bones. First I need to be cleared by my dentist. If there are dental issues, there could be damage to the jaw from this treatment. But I doubt that will be an issue for me as I have very healthy teeth and gums. 😁

Most likely, the infusions will start in mid-June so we don't interfere with our vacation plans. This will be a very special trip with my mom and we are not letting a little thing like cancer mess that up. 

The doctor was impressed by my "good spirit" about all this. But that is only because I have The Spirit inside me. God continues to fill me with His grace and peace, even on the days I feel draggy and dumb from the medication. I continue to be grateful for His provision and blessing in the midst of this. 

Unless something unexpected pops up, my next update will probably be after my May 1 surgery. Thank you for your prayers. God keeps answering "exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think." Eph 3:20 

Feeling lots of Love

Today it is one month since my breast cancer surgery. Tonight I start my AI medication. No, that is not artificial intelligence, though I certainly could use a boost. That stands for aromatase inhibitor. In this case it is Letrozole (Femara), a medication that blocks estrogen production in the body's cells. On Friday I had a bone density test to establish a baseline as they check for possible bone loss while using the medication. I am considered at medium risk based on my test results.

There is a plan in place for my reconstruction surgery on May 1. That is, providing there are no setbacks or complications with the expander. Last Thursday I had a large amount of fluid drained from my left side, and there is more fluid that has built up over the weekend. There is no sign of infection, but that is a possible concern. 

If all goes well, once the surgery is done, all that will be left is maintenance and monitoring for the next five years.

Over the past two months, I have received 45 cards and notes from 23 states and 9 emails, mostly from strangers who are members of the Christian Healthcare Ministry, telling me they are praying for me and my cancer treatment. Some of the cards were handmade and some included quite lengthy handwritten notes. Others were simple messages of prayer support. All were and are so greatly appreciated. I have also received three care packages from different breast cancer foundations and supportive gifts from several friends (one was a group of friends). I am feeling very blessed and well prayed over. 💞🙏 God is good!

Just for fun 😊, here is the list of states I received notes from and how many from each state.

Arizona 4
California 4
Florida 1
Georgia 3
Iowa 2
Idaho 1
Indiana 2
Maryland 1
Maine 1
Minnesota 2
Missouri 1
Montana 4
N Carolina 3
Nebraska 1
New Hampshire 1
New Mexico 2
Ohio 2
Oklahoma 1
Pennsylvania 2
Texas 3
Washington 1
Wisconsin 2
W Virginia 1

Phase 4 and On...

Here I am, 15 days after my surgery. My drain was removed yesterday, I got my first fill on my expander, and today I had my first oncology appointment. 

Now I am moving on to phase four of my cancer path. (at least according to this chart)

Screening and biopsy...done Sept.-Oct.

Diagnosis...done Nov.

Surgery...done Feb.

Treatment...starting Mar.

In two weeks, I will start treatment with Letrozole to block my body from making Estrogen. Apparently, that is what those little cancer cells feed on, so we want to starve them.

Prior to that, I will see my plastic surgeon again to add more fill to the expander in preparation for reconstruction with an implant. I will see my breast surgeon to confirm everything under her purview is progressing as planned. And, I will have a bone density test.

My Oncologist informs me that 50% of his patients do fine on this medication with no side effects. Of the remaining group, 30% will have manageable side effects, and 20% will have severe ones. I'm hoping to make the first team of 50 percenters. With the medication, my odds of recurrence are about 5%; without, it is about 10%.

After getting established with the hormone therapy, I will probably have reconstructive surgery in late April, early May. Hopefully to be healed before our planned cruise to Alaska with my mom. If the surgery can't happen at least three weeks before our trip, then it will happen in late June.

I am still praising God for His care and love for me. I have had very little pain and no signs of complications. I feel good and need to hold myself back from overdoing. As far as breast cancers go, I feel I got the "Breast Cancer Lite" version. It is still an ugly little beast, but I have a beautifully big God.

Happy Dance Time!

If I was not so tired, I would be doing a happy dance right now. I'll just have to settle for this little koala, mouse, bear, whatever-it-is to do it for me. Bottom line, my pathology report just came in and my lymph node is NEGATIVE for any malignancies! GOD IS GOOD!

There was an additional IDC spot near the first one that was originally biopsied. So, there were two invasive cancer spots and one non-invasive. All the margins were clear and there is no evidence of additional cancer.

I am so grateful for all of the prayers and support I have received. Like I already said, I'm tired, so that is all for now. Time for a nap. 

24 Hours Later

At the time I write this, it's Valentines Day at 11 am. Just 24 hours ago I was in recovery after my single mastectomy. The day started early at 5:30 as we got up and got ready to go to the hospital. My bag was packed the night before with the few things I would need for my overnight stay. Steve drove me to the hospital in a light snow flurry and we arrived at my appointed check-in time of 6:30. 

Within minutes, I was taken back to the pre-op area. My breast surgeon came in and initialed my breast and went over the procedure. She then asked if it was okay if she prayed for me. Of course! I am blessed to have a surgeon that is not only highly respected in her field, but also a Christian. By 7:30 I was all prepped and my mom showed up to wait with me and Steve. I got my radioactive isotope injection and my plastic surgeon came by to draw all over me. I felt like an art project. Then my favorite person showed up, the anesthesiologist! I love the man that keeps me totally unaware of what the surgeons are doing to me. 

Soon I was whisked away for my 8:30 surgery. I was told it would take 2-3 hours. They started the happy juice and I was out. I woke up at 11 am in recovery feeling pretty good, but a little groggy. By noon I was in my room. 

The surgery only took 90 minutes. Unfortunately, the volunteer that was sent to get my husband from the hospital cafeteria was not the best at communicating. She just told him he needed to hurry back to the surgical waiting area to talk to the doctor. Poor guy thought something had gone wrong early in the surgery and had a few minutes of panic. The surgeon was quick to reassure him that everything was fine and he could go to my room soon and see me.

The pain level was quite tolerable. The only problem was a queasy headache from the anesthesia. I was able to eat a piece of toast and some broth. There was some nausea later, but not too bad. However, around 5 pm, I got quite sick. Apparently that was what my body needed because I was able to eat a small dinner after that, and keep it down.

I had the typical mostly sleepless night that you get in the hospital. Though Steve said he had his best sleep in weeks. Probably due to the reduced stress of waiting for this surgery. By 7 am, my surgeon came in, looked me over, and said "go home." Steve was there to pick me up by 9, and now I am home, with my husband and mother trying to get me to rest and behave myself. 

The nurses and all the staff were amazing. Two of them at the shift change thanked me for having, "such a great demeanor." I was grateful to keep up my testimony during the grogginess, nausea, and pain adjustment. Though I was only able to have one faith conversation, I played some Christian music on my phone that the nurses could hear when they came in.

Overall, everything went better than anticipated. Now to just wait for the lymph node biopsy results. God has been good. I look forward to seeing how He will continue to bless in this challenge.